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 The Trigem: *Renewed!*

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Spaghetti



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PostSubject: The Trigem: *Renewed!*   Mon Feb 15, 2010 9:11 am

Spaghetti wrote:
Okay. I'm going to scrap that main idea and now I have started again, only keeping a few things from before. I realized a long time ago how terrible the whole idea and how many things just didn't make sense. So I restarted and changed a ton of stuff, even his name. His name is now Aaron Ehaz. He lives on the world Aaythill, the continent Iryba, the country Bati and the village of Delyis. It all takes place in the The year it begins is 4908, which is similar to medieval times (they don't have BC and AD so that's why the year is so much higher than ours).
The name of this book is "The Trigem" for now. I'm thinking the subtitle should either be "The Two Heroes" (this is the new title for the war Iryba is in instead of Heroe's Raid.) or "Hülf" (It's still in this book, but becomes important a lot later in the book and isn't as big of deal.

Anywho, It's changed a ton, and many agree that its a cooler story, bros. Here's the first and second chapters:

_________________________________________________

Spoiler:
 

Spoiler:
 
_________________________________

I'll try to get a summary up but I haven't even quite figured out what exactly will happen since I'm still trying to change things around.


Last edited by Spaghetti on Sat Dec 11, 2010 4:03 pm; edited 7 times in total
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PostSubject: Re: The Trigem: *Renewed!*   Mon Feb 15, 2010 9:14 am

Spoiler:
 


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PostSubject: Re: The Trigem: *Renewed!*   Mon Feb 15, 2010 10:31 am

This is the one where you turned into a wolf and hung out with other wolves after finding some ring, right?
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PostSubject: Re: The Trigem: *Renewed!*   Mon Feb 15, 2010 10:32 am

Cool story, bro.

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Spaghetti



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PostSubject: Re: The Trigem: *Renewed!*   Mon Feb 15, 2010 11:21 am

@Chan: Yup. I've improved it though.

@Mari: thanks.


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PostSubject: Re: The Trigem: *Renewed!*   Mon Feb 15, 2010 11:24 am

Spaghetti wrote:
@Mari: thanks.

I'm laughing because he doesn't get the joke.
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PostSubject: Re: The Trigem: *Renewed!*   Mon Feb 15, 2010 11:44 am

...?
Spoiler:
 


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PostSubject: Re: The Trigem: *Renewed!*   Mon Feb 15, 2010 11:48 am

Spoiler:
 


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PostSubject: Re: The Trigem: *Renewed!*   Mon Feb 15, 2010 12:34 pm

....
Summary?
Kthnx.

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PostSubject: Re: The Trigem: *Renewed!*   Mon Feb 15, 2010 12:37 pm

Yeah. Please, I won't read past the first sentence at this point.
And you could also put it in a spoiler box so it doesn't take up the whole page.

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PostSubject: Re: The Trigem: *Renewed!*   Mon Feb 15, 2010 5:00 pm

Wasn't I supposed to help you with this, and then you like, disappeared for a few months?

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PostSubject: Re: The Trigem: *Renewed!*   Mon Feb 15, 2010 5:09 pm

Marmalade wrote:
Spaghetti wrote:
@Mari: thanks.

I'm laughing because he doesn't get the joke.
Spaghetti wrote:
...?
Lern2internet
http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/cool-story-bro

Also, tl;dr
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PostSubject: Re: The Trigem: *Renewed!*   Mon Feb 15, 2010 5:48 pm

Crater wrote:
Marmalade wrote:
Spaghetti wrote:
@Mari: thanks.

I'm laughing because he doesn't get the joke.
Spaghetti wrote:
...?
Lern2internet
http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/cool-story-bro

Also, tl;dr


I felt this applied.

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PostSubject: Re: The Trigem: *Renewed!*   Mon Feb 15, 2010 6:25 pm

sorry, Never heard of it till now. Also, I'll get s a summary up soon.
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PostSubject: Re: The Trigem: *Renewed!*   Mon Mar 01, 2010 8:28 pm

K, I've finally got a summary typed up. I want to have a long book, so the summary is a bit, long, although I probably could've shortened it up....oh well. Too lazy. Well, here itis:

One day, fourteen year old Benjamin Meyer is walking home from school when a speeding car drives around the corner and hits him. Ben is forced into unconsciousness and begins dreaming. In this dream he finds a ring. When he puts it on, he transforms into a wolf. He finds another wolf in the mountains nearby, who tells him that it is called Hòlf and dark creatures called Twilir, who in our world survives by using animals as hosts, want it. When destroyed these creatures die themselves but leave its host unharmed.
A little of a month passes as he dreams before he wakes up. Back at school, he faints constantly and is given the same dream. A long time passes of obsessing over wolves and the ring before he has a day without fainting, but that night he finds Hòlf just as he did in his dream. He encounters a Twilir, and after defeating it, it leaves behind a blade, which Ben finds is controlled by Dukor, God of Fire.
The next day, which is the start of Winter Break, Ben’s friend, Keaton Weston, comes over to celebrate the intermission from school. As he is there, Keaton becomes the host of a Twilir. Ben rids the Twilir of Keaton, but finds that it forced Keaton to forget most of his life. They travel back in time to the medieval ages through Dukor to try to cure him to a large country called Byvning. After weeks of waiting for his memory to return, it becomes clear with the little success they do have, that it would take years before it would fully return. Ben decides to travel to an ancient forest called Spirit Forest, also referred to as the Dead Woods. A tribe called the Qelthven once lived there, very long ago. They were masters of many different subjects, including medicine. When they came in contact with Twilir, they created a medicine to recover the memory they stole. They were chased out by monsters eventually. Ben fights his way through the forest, exploring it, trying to find the cure, and does after a perilous battle.
Keaton is cured but a mysterious man appears in the city of Byvning, which is the capital city of the country, that they are in and attacks the castle that can only be accessed through the city. Ben tries to stop him twice: once right after he arrives at the city, and on the second attempt he came with Keaton, and was also given the Trigem, a special gift from the gods that gives its wielder a extreme power, which Zenq also has. He got it when he had a good heart.
Ben is overthrown both times. The second time, he and Keaton are sent to a small village called Kakira Village. Enraxier, God of Water is there, and they meet with him. The Water Shrine, which is Enraxier’s temple, has been attacked by Twilir. Ben and Keaton clear the temple of Twilir, and in the process are given the ability to Shift Water, which means you can control water to a limit. Ben and Keaton are sent to clear the other temples of Twilir; The Earth Shrine, the Air Shrine and the Fire Shrine. Ben and Keaton separate, Ben going to the Earth, Keaton to the Air. As Ben travels to the Earth Shrine, he meets a young, blind girl named Myla in the mountain-village of Roccyen. Her village resides near the Earth Shrine and was attacked by Zenq too, who made her blind.
Ben continues onto the Earth Shrine, clears it of Twilir and learns to Earth Shift. When Ben comes back, Myla acts strangely different, but he pays little attention. He learns as he practices his Water Shifting that he can also make the water ice.
Ben meets with Keaton in the city of Byvning and they go together to the Fire Shrine. On their way they arrive at a fishing village called Rensin. They find as they are there of the destructive Asen Pass, which many people have disappeared taking. Ben and Keaton decide to change their route from using the Asen Pass and to cross the Asen Bay by passing by islands. But when they attempt and come to a village called Glaves, they are attacked by the natives of the island and forced to go back. They decide they must use the Asen Pass, which is a very thin strip of land that leads across the bay. They begin to cross safely, until they reach the center of the Pass, in which the land dips into the water and comes back up five miles away. Ben tries to make an ice bridge using his Shifting ability, but as they cross they are attacked by sea serpents and other beasts. They are able to cross the five miles but they are both injured badly. They are able to heal themselves slightly using magic, but real treatment is needed. They make it to the village of Niman to recover. After a few days of healing, they travel again through the Diamond Mounts and to the Fire Shrine, which is in an active volcano. After clearing it, they are given the ability to Fire Shift and head for Byvning to attack Zenq. They kill him, but Dukor tells them that Roccyen has been attacked afterwards. Ben and Keaton head back for Roccyen and find the whole village destroyed, with Myla as the only survivor. They take Myla back to the city of Byvning and hear about Twilir trouble in a village called Modan. They kill the Twilir there, saving the village. When they come back, they find Myla has disappeared into the castle. They follow a trail of dead soldiers to the throne room and find Zenq alive along with the Princess Elzain and Myla as hostages. They fight him, but he escapes with Elzain. Myla explains that when Zenq attacked he placed a part of his soul in her, knowing that his defeat by Ben and Keaton was very likely. When he died, he gained control of Myla and when Ben and Keaton brought her back, Zenq returned his soul to his body. Myla is then left with a slight ability to use magic and joins Ben and Keaton after Ben enhances her senses so that she could determine where things were, with them, much more easily. They travel throughout the country gathering people who are willing to fight against Zenq and his armies. Once they have a small army together, large enough to keep the Twilir distracted long enough to finish Zenq once and for all, they begin a search for the Moon Realm, the dimension that is home to the Twilir. Along the way Keaton is given a third piece of the Trigem after sensing King Rich’s death, or murder, as they suspected. After a while of searching Ben and Keaton find that the portal to the Moon Realm is on an island in the middle of the Ring of Isles, where a crescent moon-shaped ring of islands surround it. They leave for the island with their band of soldiers, but as they enter the environment around them is hard to take and pains them, which was created by Zenq to keep out people from the Sun Realm (our world), but they continue on anyway. After a few minutes of being in the Moon Realm they meet with a small shape-shifting species that stand nearly a foot high. Ben, Keaton and Myla befriend them and the Goomin, as Ben names them eventually, decide to help by using their shape-shifting ability to cover their bodies and make them appear as if they were Twilir troops, protecting them from the dark atmosphere and helping them blend in. They eventually meet up with Twilir and attack as Ben and Keaton continue on to Zenq’s chamber, leaving Myla in charge of the army. They fight him but in the process, Keaton is nearly killed being seriously injured, and Ben is also. But at the last second he is given power from the gods which heals his injuries as he is in the form, and makes him extremely stronger. He destroys Zenq at last and before uses the rest of the strength he has left to heal Keaton of his more major wounds. The intensification of power wears off and Ben’s impairments return, and he falls into stupor.
When Ben wakes up he finds himself and Keaton back at a hospital in Byvning, the same one they had Keaton stay in as he was recovering his memory, still recovering from his injuries. Myla comes in and explains that the Twilir just suddenly stopped fighting and ran off, leaving them scratching their heads. She found Ben and Keaton’s bodies and brought them back to the Sun Realm as the rest of the troops searched for their Princess Elzain and for their dead King’s body in hopes that they could have a proper burial, which they did.
Ben and Keaton return to the present and to their homes after being healed, and return to school, never forgetting the adventure they had and Ben remembering back to the day that his dream came true.

And that’s the end…
comments?
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PostSubject: Re: The Trigem: *Renewed!*   Mon Mar 01, 2010 8:59 pm

Still too long.

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PostSubject: Re: The Trigem: *Renewed!*   Tue Mar 02, 2010 2:55 pm

Ben puts on a ring, turns into a wolf, shit happens, he saves the world, the end.

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PostSubject: Re: The Trigem: *Renewed!*   Tue Mar 02, 2010 8:20 pm

ShadowKirby wrote:
Still too long.
yeah, sorry. I'll try to shorten it up.
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PostSubject: Re: The Trigem: *Renewed!*   Wed Mar 03, 2010 7:35 am

tl;dr
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PostSubject: Re: The Trigem: *Renewed!*   Wed Mar 03, 2010 4:25 pm

The title sounds like a doujin.
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PostSubject: Re: The Trigem: *Renewed!*   Wed Mar 03, 2010 4:34 pm

indianchan wrote:
The title sounds like a doujin.
...
Lol'd.

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PostSubject: Re: The Trigem: *Renewed!*   Wed Mar 03, 2010 5:24 pm

ShadowKirby wrote:
indianchan wrote:
The title sounds like a doujin.
...
Lol'd.
A doujin with a blatant typo, to be specific.
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PostSubject: Re: The Trigem: *Renewed!*   Wed Mar 03, 2010 7:00 pm

indianchan wrote:
ShadowKirby wrote:
indianchan wrote:
The title sounds like a doujin.
...
Lol'd.
A doujin with a blatant typo, to be specific.
Oh my god.
He misspelled Welders.

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PostSubject: Re: The Trigem: *Renewed!*   Wed Mar 03, 2010 8:01 pm

Yes, the title isn't very good, especially the subtitle. If you have any suggestions to help improve, please mention them.
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PostSubject: Re: The Trigem: *Renewed!*   Wed Mar 03, 2010 8:36 pm

Uh. You never really want to use "my" or "I' really in a work title like this.
So that's issue one. Second, is a subtitle really neccessary?
Plus the title itself is much too complex.
Trigem by itself should suffice. And then a subtitle if you want, but something less ... odd.
So like
"TRIGEM: [One-to-three-word subtitle]"

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